i am learning to live without perfectionism. it’s baggage that i was given a long time ago to carry. lately it has been my journey to release myself from the ideas/opinions of perfect and enjoy the process of creating with abandon. one of my latest creations is a pair of pants.
i have a favorite pair of pants that are falling apart. they were quite an expensive pair, hand made by ladies in the US with organic cotton……you get the picture. well they looked pretty simple to make but i didn’t have a pattern. then i had this crazy thought (for me it’s pretty wild), i don’t need a pattern proper, i have the pants. they are like wide leg yoga pants. i had some organic cotton lying around (yes, i know, i know but i did!) and decided to put it to use and try to make a pair. here’s how it went!
i did use pins to hold the waistband onto the pants, just to make sure that the seams lined up. i never did put hems in the cuffs. the material is like t-shirt material and it doesn’t fray, it only rolls! awesome! these are now a pair of my favorite pants. (just a side note, i hand dyed these also!!)
this just wasn’t a one time thing either. i had enough fabric to make 2 pairs!! i dyed that fabric and used the same process to make the second pair. so much fun. i need to order more fabric now!!
it is February in Michigan. it is suppose to be cold, snowy, dreary. with gray days and routine. but not today….today it was beautiful, sunny and over sixty, 60!! we spent a majority of the day outside, feigning chores and work but really just soaking in the warm of the sun. it wasn’t that long ago that we had a spell of over a week without any sunshine at all. to say that the sun and warmth was a welcome delight would be understating how glorious this day was, in the middle of February in Michigan. the warm day gave me a chance to walk bare foot in the garden, the paths mushy and cold. carelessly i walked over where my nettle patch usually spreads out i was reminder to be mindful for the sting. looking closely i could see small nettle leaves taking the same advantage of the warm sunlight.
As i began to pay a little bit more mind to the garden itself i noticed that the nettles weren’t the only ones green and soaking in the sun. Parsley, Strawberries and spinach were green and growing. it is so exciting to see. In the back of my mind though, i hear the whisper…’it’s only February, too soon’.
i also checked on our new (last spring) fruit tree. They are all looking well, some with buds starting to swell. i am excited to see that they are healthy and growing, but again the whisper ‘it’s too soon, only February’.
the next week here in Michigan is suppose to be well above average. i will enjoy the warmer weather and the clear roads. i will also be whispering to the plants, it’s too soon, only Funerary, not yet!
taking responsibility for your own actions seems like one of the hardest things for people to do, right next to saying you are sorry for any of your own actions! just recently i had to humble myself and apologize for the actions and remarks that i made. at first i didn’t want to and tried (in my head) to make an excuse and to point the finger at another trying to place the wrong doing on some one else. so what’s the story, right? well here it is. my husband came home one evening to find that our eldest son (12) made a big mess taking out the trash. he hadn’t tied the bag before tossing it into (upside down no less) into an already full trash bin. garbage everywhere and more to fall out when the bin was moved to the road. needless to say my husband was upset and hollered at our eldest to come outside with him. when they both came in my son was mad and said that he would no longer take trash out. well i REACTED and when my husband came in i yelled. i was upset. needless to say that he got upset at me too. we went to bed mad. ugh! i was mad the next day and i actually kept thinking about it. thinking about how he handle the situation with our son, how are son reacted and my REACTION to what happened. well after muttering to myself all day and drawing cards to gain a some sort of new view i made a realization. i had NO IDEA what happened outside between my husband and my son. no idea what happened and i assumed the worst and REACTED. so when my husband came home i had to gather up my courage and strength (because taking responsibility for my actions and apologizing is some scary shit sometimes!) to tell him i was wrong (and why i was wrong) and to say i am sorry. I’m sorry, that’s it, no excuses, no explanations. i was in the wrong and i owned it. it wasn’t easy, it was quite hard but it was the right thing for me to do.
there are a couple of things that i learned here. taking personal responsibility for my bad behavior is hard! own it is harder and saying sorry for it is the hardest. but it is also awesome. after taking responsibility for my poor behavior (for my reaction) i was able to look back (without my REACTION, at this point) and learn from the mistakes that i made and hopefully make a better decision in the future. i believe my husband appreciate it too. by taking responsibility and saying sorry i showed him how much he means to me and that i love and trust him to do the right things (even if he handles things differently than i would).
there is another thing i would like to mention here, it’s about REACTION. the knee jerk response to situations around you. in my experience i have found that reaction comes from a place of habit or from a rut. you are not thinking about it, it just comes out. for me it usually comes out in the form of anger (that anger of mine can be quick to jump). but it is then that i am not acting mindfully, i am allowing my assumptions control how i engage the situation and most of the time in hindsight it is not the way i would choose to act (and i have to apologize for overstepping boundaries).
i’m no saint but i have been working hard lately to become more mindful in my life, to act from a place of love. so when i do feel the anger bubbling up (because i am never going to be rid of anger or any bad feelings) i really dive into why. where is it coming from and do i really want my anger to cause my REACTION, or i can take a moment (or ten, i don’t have to engage immediately) to gather myself and act mindfully. it isn’t easy, some times i have to learn the lesson in hindsight (like the one above) but everyday i get a little closer to getting away from reaction and more into mindful action.
so my latest obsession in the bullet journal. i have always wanted to be a planner sort of person and now i have found a way to make it work for me, bullet journals. just since to first of the year it has become my art journal, my BOS, my daily planner, my commonplace book and my list holder (and there are a lot of lists to hold!).
while i could type up a big long description, it would be more fun to show you in pictures.
so here we go:
every year, as part of my christmas gifts for friends, i add the handmade lotion that i ALWAYS use (because i love it and it is amazing!!). this is the first year that some lovely ladies have asked where they can get more! well from me, of course! it is so exciting. so i mam going to be making small batch lotions, customization to specific skin needs (we ca totally chat about what you may need. i am not a doctor or anything special but i do have a little insight from my personal experience and the experiences of others who have used to lotion)
so if you are interested in getting in on the next batch of lotion, please contact me! i also make a couple of amazing lip balm too!
Starting the new year with mandalas! i am taking the journey through the year of the great round, the archetypal stages/cycles of human growth. this month i explored the void, the resting in darkness. it is a time for rest, release, renewal, and healing. i found this stage to be very soothing, very comfortable. being in the void stage allowed me to be calm, to practice patience, to ground myself in my own being. the free form mandalas (and these here are only 2 of the many i made) were freeing. finding my rhythm, in a physical sense rather than drawing for the visual senses, was quite boundary breaking. round and round, swirling, circling. all motions that are so familiar, so basic and instinctual. the dark colors let my eyes rest, as if they were closed and i were dreaming. this month’s work left me feeling very surreal, peaceful, and calm.
Be still, be still, be still; rest in the arms of the great mother. (i found i was using this as a mantra through this month).
i also wrote a haiku:
silent and alone
floating, dreaming, peaceful rest
the last month has been quite a dozy. the holidays are a crazy mess for me. it is the time of year i usually dread, and this year was not any different. it is for that reason i have been absent from the blog. it was more than i could handle with the stress of the season. now that the season is over i am now back!! with feet firmly planted on the ground, the excited expectations of a new year i am ready to grow, to step out of the comfort zone and share all that i can.
this new year i started the #mandalamagic2017, a year long course with julie gibbons ( i have a girl crush on her, she is amazing!)
i am also participating in #spiritstyle with hannah marcotti (another woman i have a girl crush on for her amazing presence)
and in a couple of days i will begin a class dealing with plants….of course because i am already dreaming of the garden (thanks annie’s heirlooms for supporting my dream by sending my first seed catalog of the year!!)
i have found bullet journals (#bujo) while on hiatus and i am completely hooked! art, planner, journal all in one book?!? who knew? well lots of folks, i’m a little late to this bandwagon, but i am glad to finally jump on. i love to share pictures so this is your fair warning.
so the journey begins, i am excited for this fresh new year and hope to share many adventures and insights and pictures and passions.